Stuff bugging me lately...

1) Those commercials for chewing gum where women are tempted by cookies, but then they pop a piece of gum in their mouth and are satisfied. Yeah, right. I would be MUCH HAPPIER with a piece of gum than a cookie.

2) Going to the recycling place and finding that someone dumped obviously unrecycleable stuff there (like tv sets, electronic stuff, etc.). People are idiots. They just don't care.

3) The worst drivers EVER are out during the day. Everytime I go out during the day, I arrive back home amazed that I made it back alive.

Crochet baskets

Made a couple of baskets with scrap yarn. I am obsessed now with getting rid of my excess yarn. The pink-colored basket was made with at least 5 full skeins of Lilly Sugar n Cream; I don't know why I bought all of that yarn and it was just sitting there.

The green basket, is smaller and I ran out of yarn (you can see it at the top edge). Oh well.

Pygmy Puffs

I made these from this website, but altered it just a bit (used different yarn, more or less stitches, etc.). Also made up a couch and two chairs on the fly. I could have done better but was in a hurry!

Mid-life crisis

I joined Facebook the other day.  I already heard from my college roommate - it turns out she just had a baby.  It was so odd; I was looking at her profile pictures and thinking, "I wonder whose baby that is - it must be her sister-in-law's" before a few hours later realizing OH MY GOD - that is HER baby!   I am so happy for her, but at the same time it really depressed me.  Life is changing, people are changing, and I don't like it one bit.  My parents are in their late 70's now, my nieces and nephews are growing up, and I am still the same at 42 years old. 

Maybe going on Facebook was not such a good idea.  I prefer to remember people as when I used to know them - to imagine they are still the same, still young, still single and still having the same interests they had.  It seems to be a shock to my system to see someone I knew as being carefree and wild as a wife and mother now.  Maybe the fact that I am still the same is what is bothering me.  I have not changed at all except more pounds and more lines on my face.

A dog and his cart

He only walks around in circles in the cart, but at least he can get some exercise that way.

I always know he is feeling good when his ears are facing forward (like in the picture). When they're down or back, I know something is wrong.

I am 42 and tired.

I turn 42 today.  I still feel and act much younger, but one thing is that I am so, so tired all the time.  I don't know if life is getting me down, or if I need to adjust my meds.  I just want to go home and lie under the covers and snooze.  

I certainly have a lot going on that is depressing, so I guess it's no wonder I am feeling this way.  I can't really say what, because I don't want to write about something that is so personal and have it all out there for all to see (not that I get many visitors to this site).  

One thing I can say, and I have on previous posts, is my dog not being well.  I think he is losing the feeling in his left front leg now, and also having mini-seizures, or at least periods of agitation that are very severe.  They don't last long, thank goodness.  He is such a good dog, I feel so bad for him.

I has been one year

It has been one year since I had to put Ladybug to sleep. The time has flown by fast. I have been dreading this day - but now that it is here I realize something. I remember thinking about the two week anniversary of her death, and later the "three-month anniversary" of her death, etc. etc. I know today is the one year "anniversary", but to me it is just another day without her. I remember her every single day and still think about the events of that day, so the fact that it has been one year doesn't make me any more sadder than I already was.

More stuff

I don't say much about my dog Treif anymore, here or to anyone (except my husband and mother).  Most people I have talked to have said they are not sure if I should keep him around anymore - they say he sounds like he is not enjoying life anymore, and others say taking care of him is too hard on me.  That part is true.  Lately I have been feeling so utterly tired... it is exhausting taking care of him, and I am pretty much the only one that does.

At this point in his life, he can no longer use his back legs, and is even getting weak in his back, so that it is hard to hold himself up.  My father made him a cart to use, but he doesn't like it.  He will not use it to get around the house, only to turn himself around in circles.  Then he stands there, his head hanging down, as if to say "why are you doing this to me?".

I have to carry him up and down the stairs, around the house, and outside.  I have a hind-end harness I use to lift his back end up so he can walk around outside.  He likes that.  He will actually run while he is in it too.

A few months ago I realized he was having a hard time eating.  He would just lick his food and seemed to have a hard time picking it up in his mouth.  So now I hand-feed him.  

When I am not feeding him or walking him outside, he sits on the bed.  Most of the time he will want to move around, but he can't, so whenever he wants to turn another direction, I have to help him.  It is frustrating, and I am sure it is for him too.  To make matters worse, he doesn't play, chew on bones, etc. - never did.  It's like he never learned how (we don't know where he came from, but they thought probably from a puppy mill where he was used as a stud).  So there is nothing for him to do except sleep or stare at me plaintively, which also stresses me!

During the day while I and my husband are at work, he stays in his kennel.  I worry about him all day, because he can't move around by himself in there.  And when he does manage to change his position, he usually maneuvers himself into a bad spot where he can't move AT ALL for the rest of the day.  The poor dog!  How does it feel to be stuck in the same spot for 8 hours?  Sometimes I come home and he is so stiff from being in the same position all day, that it takes a couple of hours to work out the stiffness.

And last but not least, most nights he keeps me up for hours because of his restlessness.  It can take over an hour to figure out how to calm him down.

But I don't think he is ready to go yet.  He looks better now (and I think feels better too) then he did during the first year we had him.  He had terrible skin infections, and digestive trouble, but now he is fine.  He does like to eat, even though I have to hand-feed him.  He seems happy when we go outside, and when I come home from work he is so happy to see me he will actually start vocalizing and then he tries to lick my face.  So I can't justify making the decision that will end his life here on earth.  I will just have to continue to do all I can for him, even though it is wearing on me.

I really think of this as fixing the bad karma I had from not treating some family dogs well when I was little.  We had an outside dog that I didn't pay enough attention to, a lab mix with high energy, that spent his life chained to his dog house.  I never (nor did my brother and sisters) EVER took him out for walks or let him loose to run around.  We also had a couple of inside dogs that I used to yell at for being in my way, or making too much noise, or whatever.  Those poor dogs.  I hope that what I am doing for Treif makes up to them how I treated them.

A Quick Watchband

I needed a new watchband and decided to just make one myself. It only took 30 minutes, making a fan stitch using size 10 crochet thread, and a size 6 hook.

Wish I could do close-ups! This picture doesn't do it justice.

Earring holder

I got the idea somewhere on the internet. I bought a cheap picture frame, crocheted a border, glued it on with Elmer's, and then glued a piece of mesh in it that I got from Joann's. I set it up so that I can hang it on the wall, and when I want to get one of my earrings, I can pull the mesh out and remove them!

My Ladybug

It is hard to write this through my tears - but I thought I really need to post this: I was reading this new posting at this website Angel Animals about signs your animals give you when they're ready to go. I can't stop crying, because this is exactly what Ladybug did for me, only I didn't realize it until now!

Two days before she died, I was sitting with her - she had taken up residence in my dog's kennel and would just stay there and sleep. I started crying and I asked her aloud "tell me what to do! tell me what I should do!". She looked at me, and a few minutes later got up and sat next to me. Then, later that evening (to my surprise), she came upstairs and actually jumped on the bed with me and laid on my lap. She hadn't done that in a long time. Then, after awhile, she got off my lap and laid on the bed next to Treif, and she started rolling around on her back, rubbing her face on the blanket - like she was comfortable and happy. I remember looking at her numbly, wondering if I should take a picture, and also wondering why she looked so happy.

The next day she was worse, and the next even worse, and that is when I decided to take her to the vet for her last time.

I just thought all that was an oddity at the time, but after reading the angelanimals post, I realize she was telling me she would be ok and she knew what was coming.

Read the story of the week on this posting: here. It is almost exactly what Ladybug did.

Pink doily

Just like the white one a few posts below. I made it for my sister.

Black Shawl

I forgot which book I got this pattern from. If you want it, just let me know.

More doilies and a cute dog

Soooo depressed.....

I go through these periods where I just think the whole world sucks, where only horrible things happen, and there is no hope. THEN, I get even more depressed because I know I have no reason to feel that way. I have a good life, a good place to live, a job, etc. So I feel guilty about being depressed.

My husband has had terrible tragedy in his life, yet he is an optimist. Always sees the glass half-full despite everything he has been through. I am a pessimist, always seeing the glass half-empty, or just the wrong size completely!

*Sigh* Maybe I just need a good slap in the face to make me snap out of it.

Violet doily

I just love making doilies. I am so proud of this one - it was difficult to do, but I did it. I am giving it to my mother and father for their 50th wedding anniversary (violets are the flower for this particular anniversary).

Things that are deeply troubling me

1) I am worried about our future.  How will anyone be able to afford anything or even be able to get to work with the high gas/food prices?  

2) What if the draft gets re-instituted and my nephews and step-son have to go to war?

3) My dog can't walk and I have been trying to find a wheelchair that he will use, but he hates all of them.  I hate seeing him struggle to get up, and he must be so stressed that he can't do what he wants to do.

4) My sister was laid-off over a year ago and has been struggling to get free-lance work, but it doesn't sound too likely that she will be able to keep her house.

5) Rudeness of people. I am shocked at how rude and thoughtless people can be.  It makes me just want to stay in my house with my animals where it is safe from other people.  Which leads me to my next worry...

6) I worry that someone will violate me, by either breaking into my house or attacking me.  I don't worry about it constantly but it is always in the back of my mind.

and last but not least:

7) I am deeply troubled over how I am not convinced that there is more to this life than the life here on earth.  I just don't see how it is possible to "live on" after death.  I read about people who are absolutely convinced that they will see their dead loved ones someday, and I wish I could be that sure myself.  But I never experience anything that I would consider hard-core proof.  And I hear and read about people (i.e., James Randi) that gleefully state they think people who believe in that stuff are nut jobs.  How could he be that way?  Is he happy that when he dies, there is nothing; he just no longer exists???

Crochet Tree and Squirrel

These crochet pieces are based on the mushroom pattern and ladybug from an earlier post. I had given the mushroom to my niece and she had an idea: why don't I make a tree and have a squirrel that lives in it, in a nest? So this is what I came up with. I didn't like the canopy, but I tried 3 times to make something that would work and I am not going to do it again!

Creepy eHarmony commercial

Every time I see this commercial it really creeps me out. There is a man talking about how he met his wife, Anne Marie. When I first saw him, I thought he looked like a serial killer. He speaks of how she helps keep him calm (or something like that). Then, towards the end of the commercial, he says "as long as I have her...." - as if to say, "if she leaves me, I will kill myself, or kill others or blow up something, etc. etc."

The whole commercial insinuates that you need someone in order to be happy, which I think is dangerous. Sure, it's nice to have a partner, but what about people who are single? Do they need to go on eHarmony because their life is somehow lacking just because they don't have someone?

I have always thought that if you rely on others to make you happy, you will have a hard time in life. The only person that can make you truly happy is YOU.

My First Sweater

Made from a pattern in this book Crocheted Sweaters, by Susan Huxley. It was a challenge to do, because the yarn that she used in the pattern is no longer manufactured. So I had to try to match, as cheaply as possible (because I am not made of money), the type of yarn that closely resembles what is in the pattern. I went with Lion Brand Cotton Ease, which, by the way, in no way resembles the yarn the pattern calls for LOL. But it is a fantasic yarn, easy to work with, and a pleasure to use.


This book has beautiful sweaters in it, I want to make almost all of them!

A pet peeve

When news reports say "so and so gave birth today to a baby girl". Why do they say "baby" girl? What, do they think they have to say that because people might think she gave birth to an ADULT girl? So they need to specifically say "baby" girl?

This has always bugged me.

A comforting quote

The other day when I was reading about Skidboot the dog, I read one of the comments that someone made about animals and I really liked it. If the bible is true (word-for-word), then this is a comforting quote:

"You are So RIGHT. Animals are souls created by God and, let's face it -- as far as the Bible is concerned, only the HUMANS were kicked out of Paradise. We owe the animals alot of respect and compassion. Let's remember also that DOG backwards spells GOD -- Who is faithful to us, Loves us no matter how bad we are, would even DIE to save us from danger."

Crochet Squid

Made from this pattern here. I used a size K hook, and two strands of Caron's Perfect Match, Deep Violet, so it is slightly bigger than what the pattern called for. It is not a very soft squid, but I think over time it will soften up. I made this for my nephew Ben for his birthday.

Bird Man *REPOST*

*I am reposting this post, that I had up last year, for no particular reason other than I really like it!*

When I was growing up, my father's hobby was rehabilitating birds of prey. For instance, if someone found an injured hawk or owl, they usually brought it to the humane society, and then they would contact my Dad. He built, with his own hands, enormous cages in our backyard for the birds to stay in until they were better. He had a room in his laboratory (he was a science professor at a midwestern university, now retired) where he could xray, reset any broken bones, remove any bullets, and fix up any sort of injury. Amputations were sometimes necessary for mangled claws, and I remember an owl that lost it's eye (I can't remember the circumstances).




"Peg Leg Pete"




The birds would then stay in these cages and recover, and when he deemed them well, he would put a band on their leg and release them back into the wild. But sometimes they were not able to be released. They simply wouldn't survive in the wild with their type of disability. So he would find a bird sanctuary to take them to. I think there is one in Kalamazoo, MI (or, at least there was one when I was a kid).

I remember when I was a kid wishing that I had a "normal" home - the neighborhood kids thought we were weird (the "Adam's family" is sometimes how they referred to us) but now I know how cool it really was. I got to see birds up close like snowy owls, peregrine falcons, great horned owls, red-tailed hawks, and even birds like storks and turkey buzzards. One time we had a South American Black Hawk - I think someone had it illegally in Texas, and the authorities confiscated it and sent it to my Dad. I am not sure what ever happened to him, but his name was Zeke and he was magnificent. He had a high-pitched call that made you think you lived in the jungle. Needless to say, some neighbors didn't appreciate that!

You may be wondering, "what did these birds eat?". That was the one thing that I was uncomfortable with. My Dad would feed them rats which he got from his lab, I think. I would be taking the laundry downstairs and would walk past a rat lying there thawing. It became normal after awhile, but still weird. Also, the birds would sometimes eat meat from the meat market. One time, my Mom and I went to the market because she needed to get a cow's heart for my Dad to feed the buzzard. So she ordered it, and the guy behind the counter gave her a look (after all, how many people order cow hearts?). So she said, "Oh, it's not for us. It's for our buzzard." As if THAT was a "reasonable" explanation. I was so embarrassed.

During the winter, sometimes my Dad would bring birds into our basement (there were cages set up there too). One time my mother went downstairs to get the laundry, and there it was, a buzzard sitting there on the table looking at her. Apparently, it had escaped from it's cage. So she called my Dad to come get him. She wasn't even fazed at all. Doesn't EVERYONE have a buzzard in their basement?

Another shawl

It turned out to be too small for me, so I decided to give it to my niece Kelly when she turns 8 in September. A lessoned learned: when a pattern gives you a gauge, they really mean it! Pay attention to it or you can end up with a miniature.

What I forsee for the future

I see someday, maybe soon, that families will have to move in together in order to make ends meet. It will be just like it was way back when - people of different generations all living together under the same roof. Working jobs with low pay - but everyone pitching in will make it possible to survive.

I see more people finding alternate transportation. More people will ride bikes to work, take the bus, carpool, etc.

I see the rich getting even richer, and the poor getting even poorer.

I see me going crazy one day and deciding to go live with my sister - and getting a job at McDonald's so I will be able to help buy food and pay the bills. I see me getting a small amount of retirement money each month and blowing it on frivolous purchases - those impulse-buys that provide momentary happiness. Each day will be lived for those brief moments of happiness.

Isn't he precious?

The last time he was really sick, we had him bundled up on the bed with us. The bed had no blankets because I had to strip it because he peed on it! He had had a seizure on the bed and lost control.

Spool-Knit Headband

Remember learning how to do this when we were children? I remember making my own spool out of an empty spool of thread, with nails for the prongs (hopefully, in 2nd grade, they didn't make us hammer our own nails into the spool). I decided today to make some headbands I can wear in my unruly hair - I just make three knit tubes, about 23" long each. Then tie them together and braid. Easy!

The Good Old Days

I took this picture sometime in 2001. *Sigh*

Spider face finished

Crochet Mushroom and Ladybug

This pattern is from here and here and isn't it adorable? I wish I had thought of it myself. I plan on giving this to one of my nieces that likes Ladybugs.

Crochet snake

This is a snake I crocheted for my nephew. It is supposed to be modeled after his favorite Neopet, Cobrall. So I used freeform crochet and a little bit of embroidery (BAD embroidery, but it will do) for the eyes. And the side head flaps look more like ears, but I don't feel like taking them off and doing them over!

Doilies

I really like making them, but who uses them anymore? They are really more like works of art. This doily I made from a pattern in the book Crocheted Lace, by Pauline Turner. There are many more patterns (or Motifs) in this book I would like to make. Maybe I will make a big tablecloth.

Crochet Spider

I feel like my blog is now turning into a crochet blog! I become more obsessed with crochet everyday.

Anyway, when I was a child, I crocheted a spider - I just did it as I went along (I guess that would be "freeform" crochet?). Here is a picture of it (it is over 25 years old, so it isn't in great shape!).

On Sunday I decided to see if I could still do it - so I crocheted this black spider. However, I am at a loss as to what to do with it's face. I need advice! Does anyone have any ideas? Should I do the same thing as with my old spider, with felt eyes?

Tunisian stitch shawl

I bought these really cool Easy Tunisian Cable Hooks on ebay a few months ago. They are sizes M, N, and P which are large hooks that you don't see very often with cable hooks.

When I received the package I took out one of the hooks, and it immediately broke! The end of the hook, where the cable connects, just snapped. Later, when I was using one of the other hooks, it too snapped, in the same place. I emailed the woman who sold it to me, and she gave me a discount. She looked into it and found out that the company (Annie's Attic) had discontinued the item (perhaps because of design flaws??).

So I bought some Duck Tape (yes, Duck Tape, not Duct Tape) and taped the cable back to the hook, and was able to make one of the patterns that came in the package. The Duck Tape surface is smooth and didn't "catch" any of the yarn as it glided over the hook, so there were no problems with the yarn getting caught or frayed.

Black Elk quote

I was reading a book called "Goodbye, Friend" by Gary Kowalski (about losing a pet) and saw this quote:

"We should understand well that all things are the work of the Great Spirit. We should know the Great Spirit is within all things: the trees, the grasses, the rivers, the mountains, and the four-legged and winged peoples; and even more important, we should understand that the Great Spirit is also above all these things and peoples. When we do understand all this deeply in our hearts, then we will fear, and love, and know the Great Spirit, and then we will be and act and live as the Spirit intends" - Black Elk

More information on Black Elk is here.

Food

I love to eat. I mean I REALLY love to eat. What is it about food that is so appealing? I know we need to eat food for its nutrients, and shouldn't that be the only reason? Ancient people ate food to survive. I eat food because it tastes good. Often during the day I think about what I could eat next, when I could eat next... and it most often involves food that has lots of sugar. I can't drink just water. It has to be water filled with sugar (i.e., Kool-Aid, or Soda). I can't eat just a granola bar, it has to be a granola bar filled with sugar and chocolate.

Chocolate. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't eat any. I keep chocolate bars in the pantry in case I am seized with the urge to eat chocolate. I keep chocolate chips in the refrigerator, and eat handfuls of them at various times during the day. I feel like it is "fuel" or something.

Growing up, my parents let me and my siblings eat pretty much what we wanted. Food was always a big part of our family, especially sugary foods. I know now, that it was their way of saying they loved me, and perhaps I still eat sugary foods because I equate it with love. I am not big on psychotherapy anymore, since I have been through lots of it and still don't feel like it has helped, but there may be something to it in this case.

Am I neurotic?

I was just thinking this morning that I am feeling so overwhelmed in my job and I don't know how much longer I can do it. Then I get an email from the boss that says I might be getting a big raise because of my excellent performance last year. Doesn't he know how much I suck? I make mistakes all the time and leave early at every opportunity (to rush home to my dog). Then another thought comes to me: my job is SWEET! It is never the same day to day, so it's not boring. I have a cool boss who lets me do my job and doesn't micromanage. So what am I complaining about?

Also, I know that I should be getting over the death of my cat, but I still cry and obsess over it often. I miss her so much. Sometimes I can't stand it. I desperately wish that she exists somewhere and is ok. I feel like I just HAVE to know if there is an afterlife or I will just go nuts and will have to be shipped off to an insane asylum. How can I live this life knowing there might not be anything after this life, that we just cease to exist? What is the point of anything then? How do people who have lost their loved ones go on? I don't want to hear from people that she was just a cat - I grieve over her the same as I would a person. A loss is a loss.

So, these are the things that have been going on in my mind lately. I guess the answer is yes, I am neurotic.

Recent crochet projects

If you want to know where I got the patterns, just let me know. I made up the pot holder pattern - it is Tunisian crochet. Also, the snakes pattern is mine too (made up, I don't remember how I did it).