Especially Thankful Today!

Thanksgiving is usually just a day I look forward to because of all the good food. I never really pay much attention to the meaning behind it. But this year, I am acutely aware of it. I am so unbelievably grateful for the way my life has turned out. I am with my soul mate, I have a good job, lots of new family (thanks to my boyfriend being one of 9 children and having 17 nieces and nephews!) - we live in a beautiful house in a great neighborhood.... I could go on and on.

Five years ago, I never thought my life would have worked out so well. I am so grateful. But also worried that it will all be taken away. But that is just my usual "worrywart" mentality and that is for another post :-)

True Love

True love is...

Never getting tired of gazing into their eyes

Missing them while they are away

Feeling their pain and wishing it was your own to spare them

Caring for them while they are sick, not caring if you get sick yourself

Laughing together and being silly

When the touch of their hand gives you a warm secure feeling

When you can't get close enough to them! -

knowing what it truly feels like to want to be one with someone.

There but for the grace...

That old saying "There but for the grace of God go I"... I was thinking of that today when I was driving home from work. I drive through a poor neighborhood, and feel so sorry for the bedraggled people I see out walking on the street, and the neighborhood sidewalks are cracked, houses are in poor condition, etc. etc.

But rather than "the grace of God", I was thinking "There but for the grace of having been lucky enough to be born in a good family that could afford to take care of me, and supported me, and was always there for me, go I"

What happened to the man that I saw today, walking along in mismatched dirty clothes, with dirty stringy hair? What happened to the woman I saw leaning into a car talking to the driver (in a rather suggestive outfit)? Did they not have supportive parents? Were their parents too poor to support them, to raise them to have self-esteem and have the financial backing to be able to send them to college? or at least to be able to give them a little bit of money to go to school?

Or did they all just make bad decisions, get hooked on drugs, etc. to end up where they are today? How are they going to be able to get out of their situations? Do they even want to?

It just bothers me so much. I know I am grateful for my life's circumstances, but I also think why was I so lucky and they weren't?

Too late to have kids?

Today I was looking at my college friend's pictures of her young children. They are adorable and look just like her and her husband. In the comments section, someone asked if they would have more, and the husband said "no, no more we are too old now!".

They are only 41 and 40 years old.

I had never thought much about having kids during my life. I figured it would just happen when it happened. But the problem is, it never did. Now, at almost 45, I am with the person of my dreams... he is my soulmate. I never believed in that concept, until I met him. He is like a mirror of myself, my true other half. The person that has been missing all my life. And I finally found him.

Which all sounds great, and it is. However, the kids "just happening" is no longer an option. Even if I were to have one, there is a huge, and I mean HUGE chance it would have birth defects, mental defects, etc. And there is a huge chance that my eggs are no longer viable anyway. And 45 IS too old to have kids. Being 50 years old with an energetic 5 year old child makes me tired just thinking about it.

My heart hurts about this whole thing. Really hurts. Sometimes I can't even TRY to think about it, because it is so upsetting.

From Absolutely Gorgeous Doilies, by Patricia Kristoffersen.

Pineapples and Webs

I have made two of these, I love them! From Pineapple Parade, by Yalanda Wiese.

Crochet Carnations

Pattern from Maggie's Crochet.

Snowflake

Made with larger size yarn than the pattern called for (pattern by Snowcatcher). Snowcatcher makes AWESOME snowflakes.