Monday, March 30, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

It has been one week...

since Treif died.  I feel ready to talk about it now.

Treif had been getting so weak in the past few weeks.  He couldn't hold himself up when I set him on the floor, so I would lean him against a wall to prop him up.  When I fed him, I would have him lean against my leg while I put food in his mouth.  He always had trouble at first with getting the food in his mouth and swallowing.  But after awhile he would do fine. 

When he had to poop, I would hold up his hind end so that he wouldn't mess up his fur.  He always pooped in the bathroom instead of outside, because he would inevitably start to poop when he started eating (which is where I fed him).  It was convenient for me because I would just flush it down the toilet, and I had cleaning wipes right there to clean the floor.

When I took him outside to pee, I would hold up his hind end with a harness.  He used to love running around that way, but in the last few weeks his front legs would give out and he would end up sinking to the ground.

I carried him everywhere.  When he seemed restless and wanted to move around, I would put him on the floor, hold his hind end up, and he would walk around that way.  I had to bend over to do that (because he was so little) but I was glad to do it.  It was a privilege to do it.

For the past two weeks, he had a bladder infection so was taking antibiotics twice a day.  With two days to go, he had bad diarrhea so I stopped the treatment.  He then had a really good day (on Sunday, March 8).  I was so pleased that he felt better and seemed stronger.

On Monday the 9th, he seemed a little weaker, but I just thought he was tired for some reason.

On Tuesday the 10th, I started my normal routine with him.  I got up and took him downstairs to go outside.  As soon as I took off his diaper, he started peeing all over the place.  After getting that cleaned up, I took him into the bathroom to see if he wanted to eat.  He ate a piece of bologna and a slice of cheese.  He was so cute when he was being fed.  He looked so happy to be eating something tasty.

I put him in his cage and went to work.  I left work at 3:00 because I was going to go home and finish my work there (computer work); I always tried to get home early every day to make sure he was ok.

On this day I took him out to pee, which he did, but shortly after, he stumbled and then vomited.  Then he kind of "passed out"; meaning, he just laid there in a heap unmoving.  But he was breathing.  I picked him up and he leaned against my shoulder and his legs were completely relaxed and his eyes closed.  I thought it was strange, because whenever I held him that way he usually had some tension in his legs.  But not this time.

I checked to see if he was hungry.  He just stared.  So I put him in his bed and he fell asleep.  Later, he woke up and I pulled his bed over to me and I scratched his face.  Usually he would lean into it, but this time he just stared.  Shortly after that, as my husband got home, he started howling and whining and I knew that something was wrong and I had to take him to the vet.  I called them and put him in the car and we left.

As soon was we got into the car, he relaxed.  He just laid there in the bed, in the car, and closed his eyes.  Treif hated car rides; no matter how sick he was he would protest - but this time he just laid there.  Occasionally he would open his eyes and look around, but his head never lifted.

At the vet, he did the same thing, just laid there.  He didn't seem to care that he was at the vet, which would also normally be stressful.  Now I knew it was time.  I talked to him and asked him to please visit me.  I called upon my guardian angels to come to him and stay with him.  I cried and told him I tried to help him as much as I could, but I couldn't do it anymore.  He just laid there and stared.  I am not sure he knew who I was.

I couldn't bear to be with him when the lethal dose was administered.  I figured he didn't seem to know me anyway.  I hoped my angels would be there to meet his soul as it left him.

I haven't known what to do with myself since he left.  I haven't moved his pillow and blanket at the end of my bed.  My husband took down his cage, and it looks weird without it there.  I have a hard time going downstairs or going outside; everything reminds me of him and I can't believe he is gone and I will never touch him again.  Never look into his puppy eyes - he always looked like a puppy to me, he was so sweet and I thank God I had the privilege of taking care of him.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Pink socks and valentine's envelopes



The sock pattern is from "Crocheted Socks" by Janet Rehfeldt and Mary Jane Wood.  The envelopes are from a free pattern on the Lion Brand website.