Growing older

As I was driving to work the other day, it occurred to me that I have owned at least five new cars in my lifetime, and for most of the time I was really excited to have them. I would wash and wax the cars frequently and worry about dents and scratches. The older I get, however, the less I care about those things. I just want to get from A to B in a reliable car that doesn't give me problems. I don't think I wash my car more than three times a year, and I never wax it!

That made me think about other ways growing older has affected me. I used to read People Magazine as a guilty pleasure, and I still do. However, now I realize I have no idea who some of these people are!

When I was going to college, I lived with several roommates, and you can imagine the noise we used to make (especially when we were ready to go out and "party"). Now, noise bothers me and I don't like going out. I don't even like hearing the neighbors. I guess I am one of those cranky old ladies now.

And forget about those late night runs to Taco Bell - now I can barely think about eating at night without getting heartburn! Heck, I can barely think about food at all without gaining 10 pounds.

I guess I am entering a phase in my life that all people go through. Afterall, I am now at an age (almost 40) that when I was young I considered to be "ancient". It never occurred to me I would be this old someday. Time flies.

Deep thoughts

I wonder sometimes about the different kinds of religions that exist, and of people who consider themselves atheists. I believe that there is something bigger than us in this vast universe. But I understand when people want "proof" that God exists - it's hard to believe something that you don't see. I don't have any proof. Nobody does.

I was thinking "if there is no God, than how do we have a sense of what is right and wrong?" It seems to be innate in most people, and even in children that have grown up abused it is still there (of course, there are a lot of kids that grow up that way who don't have a sense of right and wrong, but in general most people innately know what is right and wrong). Where did this come from?

As for me, I would have a hard time living if I didn't believe there was more than just this life. I see cruelty (especially to animals), lying, cheating, etc. in our world and hope that there is an end in sight for whomever is suffering. But to just die and experience nothing?? I would hope there is some kind of reward after living with suffering. It is just unbearable if the opposite is true.

Winters of the past

This is from a Michigan winter past. I can't remember the last time it snowed that much where it lasted a whole season. These days, the snow doesn't last long!

Dearly departed cats

Blossom is the siamese cat. She died when I was just out of high school, in 1985 at the approx. age of 19.

Peaches is the black and orange calico. She died after I had her for only six months. She was a shelter cat that had lived in the same shelter for almost 13 years (so they told me). She was just so old and sick.

Sweet-Pea is the black and white cat. She was born in 1983 and died in 2002 of old age.

Tappy is the creamy orange and gray calico. She was my other baby. She was born in 1986 and also died in 2002 of diabetes and cancer. I hadn't seen much of her in her final years because I moved away and left her with my Mom and Dad. She was much happier with them than she would have been in my tiny little apartment, all alone while I was at work all day. I miss her a lot. Her cancer was caused by yearly injections of shots (injection-site sarcomas). Now I don't give my cats any shots except for distemper and rabies (by law). They are inside only cats anyway.

Thoughts about exercise

A fat stomach on me when I was a kid. Still have it!

I never liked to exercise. From as long as I can remember. I remember riding my bike when I was a kid just around the neighborhood but I always was thinking that I wanted to go home. It was never fun. I never felt safe, even though I lived in a very good neighborhood. I did ride my bike to school one time (it was over 5 miles one way), but I never did it again. Too much exertion and I had to get up too early.

In school I was never good at sports. In fifth grade I remember playing softball and my team lost. I was confronted by this mean boy who said "if you weren't so fat, we would have won!". Thus my aversion to any kind of competitive sports. At home, my brother and sister and I used to play badminton, but we didn't follow any rules. So there was all kinds of hitting the birdie out of bounds and hitting it so high up we couldn't even see it.

I hate exercise with a passion. I don't understand the people who say it makes them feel good. I just ache, sweat and feel terrible. The key is supposed to be finding something you like to do. Well I don't like anything! I don't like sports, I don't like swimming (in fact, I don't know how to swim) - even walking around the neighborhood doesn't appeal to me because I don't like having to see other people who are out walking themselves. It's not that I don't like them, it's my introverted self that feels uncomfortable.

So I have an elliptical in my bedroom, but I rarely use it because it is so boring! I would rather lie unmoving on the couch. I am hopeless!

LadyBug with her good friend Cricket. Well, they get along for the most part. 

Obsessed with food

I am obsessed with food. It is what I think about when I get up, during the day, and even when I go to bed at night. Obsessed with how many calories it has, what I can eat and what I can't eat (and what I shouldn't eat and what I shouldn't have eaten), and the fact that I am not willing to give it up. I carry an extra 30 pounds on my 5 feet 6 inch frame, and you would think that since I am nearing 40 years old that I would be panicked. Well I am! But I am not panicked enough, I guess, to do something about it. I will occasionally do 20 minutes on my elliptical, but I usually end up going for days without, so it ends up not helping at all.

How does one get motivated to lose weight? I suppose if a doctor told me it was a matter of life or death, only then would I do it. It is so sad that it would have to come to that!

I don't know what it is. Does food release powerful endorphins in my brain? Why won't exercise do that for me (as some people claim it does for them)?

When I deprive myself of delicious-tasting foods like chocolate, pasta, bread, rice, etc. I get so crabby and I feel like I am being punished. Does anyone else out there have that same feeling?

My baby LadyBug. I am so dependent on her! Yes, I am a crazy cat lady I guess.