Work Regrets

Years ago I worked as a Research Technician for a woman in the field of dentistry. I had graduated from college relatively late in life (early 30's) and it took me a year to find a job in a research lab, and she hired me. It was very low-paying but I was happy to have a job.

Just a few days into the job, I realized that this woman was going to be very difficult to work for. She was not liked by any of the other researchers in the lab, and she did not treat me well. I hung in there because I needed the job and did not want to spend another year looking. Also, she could be a nice person sometimes, and I think I clung to that. In hindsight, I think she had major mental problems (narcissism and a tendency to be passive-aggressive).

Anyhoo, to this day I still try to examine what happened with her and why I stuck around for so long. I even moved to another state to continue working for her. By this time (2 years) we had developed a working relationship that was tolerable, or so I thought. I think I was lying to myself. Looking back, I don't think going home and crying and dreading to go to work every Sunday evening was very healthy. I remember even having two fights with her where she stormed out of the lab and left me crying.

Finally after almost six years of working for her, I just lost it. I knew that there was an opening in a lab that a friend of mine knew about and I grabbed it. Then, I panicked. Instead of going to her and calmly telling her I was leaving, I E-MAILED her my resignation. She was furious and barely spoke to me the rest of the time I was there (about a month). After all those years slaving for her and putting up with her unusual personality (she continued to piss people off even in her next position) I got NOTHING - no thanks for your hard work, let's keep in touch, etc. In fact, when I told her I expected her to call me if she needed any help or had questions, she adamantly refused on the pretense of "not wanting to bother me in my new job". I knew better. She HATED me now, because I dared to leave her - and she no longer had any control over me.

Why, then, do I continue to think about her and wish that we could have remained friends? Do I yearn for her approval? I remember always trying to please her, but it was quite a difficult thing to do because nothing ever was good enough for her. As expected, after I left, she published a paper that I should have been an author on, but instead she bumped me to the acknowledgements. I suppose I was lucky to even get that.

I think now she works somewhere in Buffalo, N.Y. still in dentistry.

I regret so much being such a wuss all those years and letting her walk all over me. I am sure that contributed to her lack of respect for me and thus the way she treated me (like a slave).