About a month ago, I lost my little dog Mari. I can hardly write the words without tearing up. He was my little buddy, my best friend, and my baby.
I got him in November 2009, and the years have gone by so fast. I knew he was slowing down earlier this year, and our daily walks became shorter and shorter, and when we took him to the park for walks, my husband had to end up picking him up and carrying him the rest of the way because he was too exhausted.
He was diagnosed with Kidney Failure in the early part of August, and he rapidly declined. On September 8, I made the decision to end his earthly life. It was agonizing and I still cry every day, I miss him so much, and I pray every night I will see him in my dreams, but I never do. Same with my father, I have prayed to see him and I never do.
My brother-in-law Jimmy passed away on June 22 of this year. He had fought an eight-month battle with cancer of the duodenum. It was a rare cancer, and they gave him only 6 to 9 months from the start. We watched him deteriorate over the next few months and by the end, he was starving to death, lying in his hospital bed, in a contorted position, and (hopefully) deeply unconscious so that he wasn't in pain anymore. He looked like a corpse to me, but he was still breathing. I hoped to God that he wasn't in that body anymore and was already exploring the next world. When I came to see his body after his death, he was still in the same position as I last saw him.
I was able to end my Mari's pain with euthanasia, but my brother-in-law had to suffer to the end.
The world is a painful place. I am struggling with trying to find the good in it, while grieving my losses. I sometimes look forward to when it is my time to go. I will then be able to see my father, my friend Carol, Jimmy, and little Mari, and all the rest of the pets and humans I have lost. I can't fathom why we come here to this earth. So much pain and suffering. I am never going to come back here.
