At what point does one feel like a grown-up? I am 40 years old, and I am at the age that when I was a kid, seemed ancient. I still feel like I am a teenager. I drive a car that has a steering wheel cover that has lady bugs and flowers on it, there are stuffed animals in my back seat, and cute dangling things hanging from my rear view mirror. The other day it occurred to me that some might think my car belonged to a 16 year-old. But that is the way I want it.
When shopping, I am always drawn to toys and stuffed animals. One thing I like to do is look through the toy aisles at all the cool stuff kids can get now-a-days. I would have loved it!
Maybe it's because I never had my own children. They say that makes you grow up quick! I have only ever had myself to take care of. Now that I am married and a stepmother, it is taking me awhile to get it through my head that I have others that need me now, so I need to step up.
Anyway, this was just something I was thinking about earlier this evening. I wonder if others feel the same way I do.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
I am mad at the atheists
I am just so mad right now. Why do atheists seem so happy when declaring their belief that there is nothing after life?
A little background: I have always been fearful of death, since I was a kid. I remember lying in bed in the dark and realizing that someday I will not exist, and it was painful thinking about it. I had to shake my head and desperately try to think of something else to make me feel better. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep about it.
I've lost my grandparents, my favorite aunt, a few childhood friends, and many pets to death, and I just can't grasp the fact that they do not exist now. I feel like they just went somewhere else - where, I don't know.
Anyway, I read a lot of books on NDE's hoping something would comfort me and convince me that I have nothing to worry about. In the present, I do a lot of internet searches to find something to make me feel better. This is where I get angry: the majority of the sites I find are by people spouting their beliefs that when you die, that is it, you simply don't exist anymore, and your essence doesn't exist either. They are so firm in their beliefs that they seem almost gleeful about it. Gee, so you're happy that all you're going to be in the end is worm-food? I don't understand it.
Why can't people admit that they can't be sure about this? The universe is so vast and seemingly unending, we couldn't possibly grasp the magnitude - why do we presume to think that this place is all there is? Isn't it conceivable, even a little bit, that there could be more than this life on earth? And isn't it conceivable that we could be a part of it too?
STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD!
A little background: I have always been fearful of death, since I was a kid. I remember lying in bed in the dark and realizing that someday I will not exist, and it was painful thinking about it. I had to shake my head and desperately try to think of something else to make me feel better. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep about it.
I've lost my grandparents, my favorite aunt, a few childhood friends, and many pets to death, and I just can't grasp the fact that they do not exist now. I feel like they just went somewhere else - where, I don't know.
Anyway, I read a lot of books on NDE's hoping something would comfort me and convince me that I have nothing to worry about. In the present, I do a lot of internet searches to find something to make me feel better. This is where I get angry: the majority of the sites I find are by people spouting their beliefs that when you die, that is it, you simply don't exist anymore, and your essence doesn't exist either. They are so firm in their beliefs that they seem almost gleeful about it. Gee, so you're happy that all you're going to be in the end is worm-food? I don't understand it.
Why can't people admit that they can't be sure about this? The universe is so vast and seemingly unending, we couldn't possibly grasp the magnitude - why do we presume to think that this place is all there is? Isn't it conceivable, even a little bit, that there could be more than this life on earth? And isn't it conceivable that we could be a part of it too?
STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Things that make me happy
By nature, I am such a negative person. That is the way I was raised. My father was constantly worried about "what could go wrong" and he never really trusted anyone, and so that is how I came to have my negative attitude. Or maybe it was genetics and it couldn't be helped.
Anyway, I was sitting here thinking that I should really try to overcome my negative thoughts - let's see what I come up with:
1. Chocolate. This includes hot fudge sundaes, chocolate cake, even semi-sweet chocolate. Generally, anything covered in chocolate is good.
2. Hearing my dog and my husband snoring. For some reason, it is comforting. They seem happy and content when they're sleeping and that makes me happy too.
3. Watching my cats and my dog eat, play, and sleep. They're so cute.
4. Knitting and crocheting. When I make something that looks really good, I get a great sense of accomplishment. And when the person I give it to is really happy about it, that makes me happy too.
5. Taking photographs. I have tons of digital photos of my nieces and nephews, and of course, my animals!
6. The smell of fresh, cut grass.
7. Watching my flowers on my patio bloom.
8. Shopping!
9. Seeing fireflies light up in the evenings.
10. Hearing the crickets and tree frogs on a quiet night.
That was really hard. For a pessimist, I really had to sit and think hard. But maybe if I practice everyday it will become easier. Yeah, right. Oops...there's that "stinkin' thinkin'" again. Dammit!
Anyway, I was sitting here thinking that I should really try to overcome my negative thoughts - let's see what I come up with:
1. Chocolate. This includes hot fudge sundaes, chocolate cake, even semi-sweet chocolate. Generally, anything covered in chocolate is good.
2. Hearing my dog and my husband snoring. For some reason, it is comforting. They seem happy and content when they're sleeping and that makes me happy too.
3. Watching my cats and my dog eat, play, and sleep. They're so cute.
4. Knitting and crocheting. When I make something that looks really good, I get a great sense of accomplishment. And when the person I give it to is really happy about it, that makes me happy too.
5. Taking photographs. I have tons of digital photos of my nieces and nephews, and of course, my animals!
6. The smell of fresh, cut grass.
7. Watching my flowers on my patio bloom.
8. Shopping!
9. Seeing fireflies light up in the evenings.
10. Hearing the crickets and tree frogs on a quiet night.
That was really hard. For a pessimist, I really had to sit and think hard. But maybe if I practice everyday it will become easier. Yeah, right. Oops...there's that "stinkin' thinkin'" again. Dammit!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)