Women's magazines

I am tired of them.  I am canceling my subscriptions to Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Glamour, and others because they are all the same.  They are always about dieting - how to get a better body, lose weight, or whatever.  They tell us to be happy with the body we have, but then there are pages of weight-loss tips, diets, exercise, etc.  THEN, in the back of the magazine they have recipes for chocolate cake, cookies, etc.  WTF?  I am tired of being told I should be happy with my body the way it is, but then have to go through pages and pages of "before" and "after" pictures of happy women who lost weight and now feel like their life can begin, or feel like they have more self-worth because they are thin, declaring that they will never let themselves get like that again (gee thanks, I sure feel better about myself now that you have basically told me that I am gross).

I am going into therapy soon to try to figure out why I crave chocolate and sugary foods, why I have no willpower, and why I feel the way I do about the world.  I don't need these stupid magazines to make me feel worse.

Nosewarmers???

I had never heard of them, but a friend of mine was reminiscing about them - she said in the '60's they were all the rage.  So I found a knitting pattern online, but couldn't master the wrap stitch.  I decided to use Tunisian crochet to make my own pattern.  If you want it just comment and I will add it to this post later. 

You must have a basic knowledge of Tunisian crochet, only because I am terrible at writing directions and can't fathom how to describe Tunisian crochet!

Treif's new poncho

I made Treif a "Martha Stewart Poncho" from the Lion brand website.  Not sure he is that thrilled about it.

Stuff bugging me lately...

1) Those commercials for chewing gum where women are tempted by cookies, but then they pop a piece of gum in their mouth and are satisfied. Yeah, right. I would be MUCH HAPPIER with a piece of gum than a cookie.

2) Going to the recycling place and finding that someone dumped obviously unrecycleable stuff there (like tv sets, electronic stuff, etc.). People are idiots. They just don't care.

3) The worst drivers EVER are out during the day. Everytime I go out during the day, I arrive back home amazed that I made it back alive.

Crochet baskets

Made a couple of baskets with scrap yarn. I am obsessed now with getting rid of my excess yarn. The pink-colored basket was made with at least 5 full skeins of Lilly Sugar n Cream; I don't know why I bought all of that yarn and it was just sitting there.

The green basket, is smaller and I ran out of yarn (you can see it at the top edge). Oh well.

Pygmy Puffs

I made these from this website, but altered it just a bit (used different yarn, more or less stitches, etc.). Also made up a couch and two chairs on the fly. I could have done better but was in a hurry!

Mid-life crisis

I joined Facebook the other day.  I already heard from my college roommate - it turns out she just had a baby.  It was so odd; I was looking at her profile pictures and thinking, "I wonder whose baby that is - it must be her sister-in-law's" before a few hours later realizing OH MY GOD - that is HER baby!   I am so happy for her, but at the same time it really depressed me.  Life is changing, people are changing, and I don't like it one bit.  My parents are in their late 70's now, my nieces and nephews are growing up, and I am still the same at 42 years old. 

Maybe going on Facebook was not such a good idea.  I prefer to remember people as when I used to know them - to imagine they are still the same, still young, still single and still having the same interests they had.  It seems to be a shock to my system to see someone I knew as being carefree and wild as a wife and mother now.  Maybe the fact that I am still the same is what is bothering me.  I have not changed at all except more pounds and more lines on my face.

A dog and his cart

He only walks around in circles in the cart, but at least he can get some exercise that way.

I always know he is feeling good when his ears are facing forward (like in the picture). When they're down or back, I know something is wrong.

I am 42 and tired.

I turn 42 today.  I still feel and act much younger, but one thing is that I am so, so tired all the time.  I don't know if life is getting me down, or if I need to adjust my meds.  I just want to go home and lie under the covers and snooze.  

I certainly have a lot going on that is depressing, so I guess it's no wonder I am feeling this way.  I can't really say what, because I don't want to write about something that is so personal and have it all out there for all to see (not that I get many visitors to this site).  

One thing I can say, and I have on previous posts, is my dog not being well.  I think he is losing the feeling in his left front leg now, and also having mini-seizures, or at least periods of agitation that are very severe.  They don't last long, thank goodness.  He is such a good dog, I feel so bad for him.

I has been one year

It has been one year since I had to put Ladybug to sleep. The time has flown by fast. I have been dreading this day - but now that it is here I realize something. I remember thinking about the two week anniversary of her death, and later the "three-month anniversary" of her death, etc. etc. I know today is the one year "anniversary", but to me it is just another day without her. I remember her every single day and still think about the events of that day, so the fact that it has been one year doesn't make me any more sadder than I already was.

More stuff

I don't say much about my dog Treif anymore, here or to anyone (except my husband and mother).  Most people I have talked to have said they are not sure if I should keep him around anymore - they say he sounds like he is not enjoying life anymore, and others say taking care of him is too hard on me.  That part is true.  Lately I have been feeling so utterly tired... it is exhausting taking care of him, and I am pretty much the only one that does.

At this point in his life, he can no longer use his back legs, and is even getting weak in his back, so that it is hard to hold himself up.  My father made him a cart to use, but he doesn't like it.  He will not use it to get around the house, only to turn himself around in circles.  Then he stands there, his head hanging down, as if to say "why are you doing this to me?".

I have to carry him up and down the stairs, around the house, and outside.  I have a hind-end harness I use to lift his back end up so he can walk around outside.  He likes that.  He will actually run while he is in it too.

A few months ago I realized he was having a hard time eating.  He would just lick his food and seemed to have a hard time picking it up in his mouth.  So now I hand-feed him.  

When I am not feeding him or walking him outside, he sits on the bed.  Most of the time he will want to move around, but he can't, so whenever he wants to turn another direction, I have to help him.  It is frustrating, and I am sure it is for him too.  To make matters worse, he doesn't play, chew on bones, etc. - never did.  It's like he never learned how (we don't know where he came from, but they thought probably from a puppy mill where he was used as a stud).  So there is nothing for him to do except sleep or stare at me plaintively, which also stresses me!

During the day while I and my husband are at work, he stays in his kennel.  I worry about him all day, because he can't move around by himself in there.  And when he does manage to change his position, he usually maneuvers himself into a bad spot where he can't move AT ALL for the rest of the day.  The poor dog!  How does it feel to be stuck in the same spot for 8 hours?  Sometimes I come home and he is so stiff from being in the same position all day, that it takes a couple of hours to work out the stiffness.

And last but not least, most nights he keeps me up for hours because of his restlessness.  It can take over an hour to figure out how to calm him down.

But I don't think he is ready to go yet.  He looks better now (and I think feels better too) then he did during the first year we had him.  He had terrible skin infections, and digestive trouble, but now he is fine.  He does like to eat, even though I have to hand-feed him.  He seems happy when we go outside, and when I come home from work he is so happy to see me he will actually start vocalizing and then he tries to lick my face.  So I can't justify making the decision that will end his life here on earth.  I will just have to continue to do all I can for him, even though it is wearing on me.

I really think of this as fixing the bad karma I had from not treating some family dogs well when I was little.  We had an outside dog that I didn't pay enough attention to, a lab mix with high energy, that spent his life chained to his dog house.  I never (nor did my brother and sisters) EVER took him out for walks or let him loose to run around.  We also had a couple of inside dogs that I used to yell at for being in my way, or making too much noise, or whatever.  Those poor dogs.  I hope that what I am doing for Treif makes up to them how I treated them.

A Quick Watchband

I needed a new watchband and decided to just make one myself. It only took 30 minutes, making a fan stitch using size 10 crochet thread, and a size 6 hook.

Wish I could do close-ups! This picture doesn't do it justice.

Earring holder

I got the idea somewhere on the internet. I bought a cheap picture frame, crocheted a border, glued it on with Elmer's, and then glued a piece of mesh in it that I got from Joann's. I set it up so that I can hang it on the wall, and when I want to get one of my earrings, I can pull the mesh out and remove them!

My Ladybug

It is hard to write this through my tears - but I thought I really need to post this: I was reading this new posting at this website Angel Animals about signs your animals give you when they're ready to go. I can't stop crying, because this is exactly what Ladybug did for me, only I didn't realize it until now!

Two days before she died, I was sitting with her - she had taken up residence in my dog's kennel and would just stay there and sleep. I started crying and I asked her aloud "tell me what to do! tell me what I should do!". She looked at me, and a few minutes later got up and sat next to me. Then, later that evening (to my surprise), she came upstairs and actually jumped on the bed with me and laid on my lap. She hadn't done that in a long time. Then, after awhile, she got off my lap and laid on the bed next to Treif, and she started rolling around on her back, rubbing her face on the blanket - like she was comfortable and happy. I remember looking at her numbly, wondering if I should take a picture, and also wondering why she looked so happy.

The next day she was worse, and the next even worse, and that is when I decided to take her to the vet for her last time.

I just thought all that was an oddity at the time, but after reading the angelanimals post, I realize she was telling me she would be ok and she knew what was coming.

Read the story of the week on this posting: here. It is almost exactly what Ladybug did.

Pink doily

Just like the white one a few posts below. I made it for my sister.

Black Shawl

I forgot which book I got this pattern from. If you want it, just let me know.

More doilies and a cute dog

Soooo depressed.....

I go through these periods where I just think the whole world sucks, where only horrible things happen, and there is no hope. THEN, I get even more depressed because I know I have no reason to feel that way. I have a good life, a good place to live, a job, etc. So I feel guilty about being depressed.

My husband has had terrible tragedy in his life, yet he is an optimist. Always sees the glass half-full despite everything he has been through. I am a pessimist, always seeing the glass half-empty, or just the wrong size completely!

*Sigh* Maybe I just need a good slap in the face to make me snap out of it.

Violet doily

I just love making doilies. I am so proud of this one - it was difficult to do, but I did it. I am giving it to my mother and father for their 50th wedding anniversary (violets are the flower for this particular anniversary).