since Ladybug died. I still think a lot about the periods up to and after her death. In the days after she died, a few things happened around the house that made me wonder:
1) My husband felt a cat walking on him one evening when no cat was there.
2) My husband saw a cat out of the corner of his eye jumping on a table, but when he looked directly, nothing was there.
3) We heard a loud crash downstairs - turned out it was a kitchen chair that fell over backwards. That has never happened before in the almost 5 years we have lived there. I don't think it was my other cat, because as I heard the crash, I sat up and saw her sitting in the hallway. I don't think she could have knocked the chair over and made it up the stairs that fast.
4) We had problems with our television. The sound would go out for no reason. After turning the channel and then going back, the sound would work again. This went on for about a week and then stopped. Nothing like that had ever happened before and since.
I was also despairing that I hadn't dreamed of Ladybug. I believe that sometimes dreams can be a way to contact "the other side". But then I finally did have a dream about her a few weeks ago. I was very concerned during the day about my father, who had been taken to the hospital with severe intestinal bleeding. He is in his upper 70's and in poor health, so I was worried that "this was it". That night, I dreamed very vividly all kinds of things, in a dream-within-a-dream. I remember being at my Dad's house, and he was taking all the furniture out of his den (as if he was moving somewhere), and I remember thinking in the dream "why is he doing that? he is not dead yet!"; then I was still at their house and making sure they weren't getting taken advantage of by some workers remodeling the house - I was yelling at people! - that is not something I would do normally; then later in the dream I saw Ladybug. I called her to me and she jumped on my lap. I remember petting her and remarking how good she looked - she had gained her weight back - I remember thinking in the dream "maybe she won't die now". In the dream, she still had her shaved tummy (where she had it shaved for her ultrasound about a month before she died). I was so happy she looked healthy again.
Then, I remember waking up from my dream within-a-dream and seeing something approach me to my left. I was lying in bed (in my dream) and I looked and my father was standing there smiling. I said "Hey, how are ya?" and he said "great!" and leaned down to hug me. I then freaked out, thinking, he must be dead if I am dreaming this (all along knowing I was dreaming in my dream - it is hard to explain). I struggled awake. My husband said I was yelling in my sleep. It was about 4:00 am, and I didn't fall back to sleep the rest of the night.
I felt a general sense of "everything is ok" after being awake for awhile but at the same time an apprehension that my father really was dead.
It turned out though, that he is fine now, and the bleeding was from an ulcer that they found in his intestine.
This dream is still vivid weeks later. I have not dreamed of Ladybug since. Some have told me that Ladybug came to me in my dream to comfort me because I was worried about my father, to show me that all will be ok and that there is more to this life. I would like to believe this.
Ladybug's ashes were buried at this pet cemetary, Pet Rest, and I plan on going to visit in a few months. I miss my little Bug-Bug.
3 comments:
I am so very, very sorry for your loss! I hope memories of happier times with Ladybug, and the knowledge you provided her such a wonderful loving home, bring you some comfort during this difficult time.
It gets better. The happy memories happen more often, the sad ones less... but they are most definitely never forgotten.
Pam,
Three months are a milestone. The pain is less but not nearly gone. I fear this never happens.
As to the unusual events...I have never believed in them but that doesn't mean they don't occur. I suppose I always imagine them to be sitting around together atop a big hill with the sun shining..waiting for me to show up. I have always had this mental picture, even as a child.
The dream was weird..but I am soo glad your Father is OK. That is very good news!
My wish for you is an uneventful next few months. I really think you need it.
Thanks Sonya and meowmom. It is nice to know there are people out there who understand. I take one day at a time but there is still not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her.
Post a Comment